A few months ago I watched a movie called The Way. The movie is about a man who’s son was killed just as he was beginning a pilgrimage in France called “el Camino de Santiago,” or the Way of St James. While he is picking up his son’s ashes, something comes over him and he decides to take the pilgrimage himself and to bring his son’s ashes with him. While on this journey, he decides to scatter his son’s ashes at different spots. He meets new people, some of which join him on his journey, others merely flit in and then out again, like shooting stars in the night sky. It’s a great movie and I found it truly inspiring for a variety of reasons.
One reason is that I feel as though I’ve always been on a pilgrimage of some sort or an other. I’ve always been a thinker of things, looking for something, trying to explain life. Or at least my life. I realize that what I’m looking for is internal, though I’ve certainly looked for it in external things. Alcohol, drugs, music, sex, you name it, I’ve pretty much tried it. But aren’t we all looking for something? Could be. Sometimes it seems to me like a lot of people aren’t looking for anything. Or perhaps they have already found it. Or maybe they’ve given up. I feel like I’ve always had questions about life, that I wanted to know more. But I’ve limited myself. I decided earlier this year that I wanted to travel more and that I’d start this year. It’s important to me, important to my life that it happens. I realize that I’m at a crossroads in my life and I find it funny because, even though I’m at a crossroads, it feels like there is really only one path for me to take, the one that leads to growth and change. So far this year I’ve already taken two trips to San Diego, which were great, but I lived there for so long it’s like going home, it’s not the same. I also took a trip to Florida to visit my parents. Once again, great, but not new.
I’ll admit it. I want to travel to places to which I’ve already been. Some of them are places that I went when I was a child and I want to see them with adult eyes, and maybe introduce my son to them as well. There’s some nostalgia there, but for some reason I feel like going to an old place first will help jump start me to visiting new places. And I want to see new places in the world, and, even more important, I want my son to see them. I want him to know that there is more to life than what’s in the U.S. I want him to know there is a great big world out there and, really, our job is to try and make that world a better place. I have fears and I have dreams. I have spent a lot of my life ruled by my fears and it’s gotten me to where I am. It’s not a bad place, it’s been a struggle at times. There have been good times, some not so good. I’ve grown and changed. Haven’t we all? But I still feel like there is more to this world and I want to see it. I want to show that world to my son. But in order to do that, I need to be able to see it myself. And to truly do that, I need to grow.
One of the things I found so amazing about The Way is that I had never heard of Camino de Santiago. I had heard about the Appalachian Trail, the Pacific Crest Trail, and many smaller trails throughout America, but not about the Camino de Santiago. It made me realize how little of this world I really know. After all these years, I have finally just began to see how sheltered I’ve been. I’m a middle-age, middle-class, white male who lives in America. I am the epitome of privilege. I’ve spent part of my life being ashamed of that reality and part of my life accepting it. I can’t change what I am, but I can try and change how I see things. I can try and see things from other people’s perspectives, to understand their perspective. I see travel as one way to help me do that…while also accepting the very real fact that being able to travel itself is a privilege. Down the rabbit hole we go… I guess what I’m really getting at is that the best way I know how to change the world is to try and be a better person and to try to raise my son to be a better person as well. I know that there are many ways to do that, that travel is just one of them, but it’s a journey I plan to begin.
